Forgiveness : The Paths of Wisdom .

"Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves". Matthew 10:16.
In all human interactions offences would occur at least once,in a while.
No one can deny not having experienced feelings of anger and hurt when offended ; for anger is the natural reaction of any victim to an offence.
This post is the concluding part of my previous post:
"Offences : Stepping on Sore Toes".
Some people, easily, forget and forgive wrongs done to them but some people are like the proverbial elephant who never forgets!
They harbour malice and thoughts of revenge in their hearts , until they exact their "pound of flesh" for every offence committed against them.
It is easier for the victim of an offence to forgive minor wrongs or unintentional wrongs than to forgive offences which were done intentionally to cause maximum hurt , pain ,anger , loss and humiliation.
Also an offender who apologises to his victim (s),who shows genuine remorse and makes amends for his offence is more likely to be forgiven long before the offender who is adamantly unrepentant.

But what does the word of God say about forgiveness?
Do we forgive when it is convenient for us to so ; or when we "feel" like forgiving others ?
Should forgiveness be dispensed in measured doses: for "small" or "too great, too bad offences" against us?
Or is it right to forgive only when the culprit has apologised and compensated the victim for the offence?
What does our God say about anger ,bitterness and forgiveness?
"Be ye angry ,and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give room to the devil". Ephesian 4:26
He even goes further by telling us how frequent and to what measure our forgiveness should be :Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times : but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:22.

Forgiveness ,is the attribute of our Father, the loving , merciful Three -in-One God and it MUST be also inherent in us Christians, his children.
A child would always resemble his or her parents. Just as a dog begets a dog and a goat begets a goat!
God calls us his children ; and that is what sets the Christian apart from all the other peoples on earth who serve gods who are merciless and vengeful.
For those whose values and mind frames are based on the principles of "An eye for an eye!"; based on a culture of revenge, murder and mayhem, forgiveness is a HARD thing for them to do.
Forgiveness is a supernatural act. It is based on a determination to die to self; made possible by power of the Holy Spirit.
In the life of a spirit-filled Christian , the milk of human kindness should flow .
Whatever the offences against us, God demands that we forgive those who have wronged us ; as we have been forgiven by Him. Mark 11: 24-26.
Furthermore , Vengeance is God's responsibility. He knows how best to avenge for us, every wrong we have suffered.
I can testify that God does execute perfect vengeance on behalf of his children.
You could think you are strong or powerful enough to fight for yourself. Then you could decide to be hasty and exact revenge on your known enemies.
What of your secret enemies who know you but you don't even know them ?
Enemies who monitor your life ; watching your every action and speech ,plotting evil deeds against you ; yet you are not even aware of their existence ?
And when you are fast asleep, snoring, with your mouth open; who fights for you then ?
God neither slumbers no sleeps; he is omnipotent and omniscient and he alone has the power to fight and overcome all known and unknown enemies !

Someone had asked me if forgiveness was that easy , then why has God not forgiven Satan and restored him to his former position as second in command in Heaven?
People understand God better by asking questions . The answer to this question would give an insight into how God wants us to live a life of forgiveness.
We thank God for the liberty of being able to ask such questions in the Church, without fear of being beheaded or going into hiding for daring to ask!
God Almighty is the Sovereign God. Whatsoever he pleases , he does in heaven and on earth. He could choose to be or not to be merciful , gracious or accessible to certain persons . His ways are past finding . Who can question him?
As it is written , Jacob have I loved , but Esau have I hated . Romans 9:13
What was Esau's offence and why was Jacob , his younger brother preferred by God even BEFORE the twins were born ? Genesis 25:23.

The Bible says , " And there was war in heaven...." Revelation 12:7-9.
If Satan could look God Almighty in the face and wage war against God inside heaven ; why would anyone be surprised that he and his demon-possessed children are waging wars all over the world ; against everybody and even against themselves!
Satan was cast out of heaven for his rebellion against God . Isaiah 14:12-15.
God could have ordered his angels of war to destroy Satan , immediately after his sin of rebellion and treason ; but God allowed Satan to leave heaven and make his abode on Planet Earth.
Although Satan received mercy from God , Satan has not forgiven God and has continually waged war against God ; for two main reasons.
The first reason being Satan's anger and bitterness because of his failure to usurp control from God which led to his humiliating exit from his exalted position in Heaven. Satan was thrown out, accompanied by millions of fallen angels whom he had succeeded in deceiving to join him in his rebellion.
These evil beings made the Earth their place of abode and operational headquarters.
Today , Satan and his millions of evil spirits are worshipped as "gods" by billions of peoples on earth.
These demonic spirits enter into and possess human beings and use them to commit horrendous offences against mankind , all over the earth.
From the beginning of Satan's presence on the Earth, billions of people have been deceived and are being deceived even till today, by Satan.
Satan , the perpetual liar and impostor appears to them , demanding their worship and he makes them believe that they are worshipping the one "true God"; when they are actually, worshipping Satan and his evil spirits! John 10:10 .
" There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death" Proverbs 14:12.

Secondly, Satan hates God and cannot forgive God for coming to the earth; in human form as Jesus the Christ , the Son of the Living God.
Jesus Christ came to expose Satan's lies and to show Mankind the Way back to God!
" He that committeth sin of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning.
For this purpose the Son of God was manifested , that he might destroy the works of the devil".1 John 3:8b.

When you hate someone , you hate his children and everything and every symbol which reminds you of that person.
The same implacable and passionate hatred which Satan has for God ; he and his children manifest the same hatred against the Gospel of Christianity, the symbol of Salvation which is the Cross, against the Church and born again Christians!
Nothing drives Satan and his children mad and incensed with rage than the mention of THAT name JESUS and the sight of a Christian preaching the message of the Gospel!
Of course , Satan doesn't mind the existence of dormant Christians!
Satan uses his nation on earth; comprising of millions of demon-possessed persons as his weapons of hatred to attack, weaken and kill as many people as possible , especially Christians.
Their feet are swift in shedding blood ; NEVER in doing anything good!
In fact , nothing sets them off into wild cheering and jubilation, than the news or sight of war, of beheadings and bloodshed ; especially the blood of Christians !
"You are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father you will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth because there is no truth in him.
When he speaks a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it". John 8:44.

As Satan and his gang of murderers were defeated in the beginning ; so they remain our defeated foes even till today. They are under our feet.
We are required to forgive our foes as our God forgives us .
But , Wisdom is "crying in the streets", on our behalf, that we MUST RECOGNISE and DISCERN the difference between Forgiveness and Foolishness.
We endeavour to follow peace with all men , as is required from us as Christians ,in a hostile world. But God does not demand for foolishness leading to ultimate destruction as a proof of our obedience of His commandment of Forgiveness .
The lives and properties of many Christians have been lost and destroyed because of ignorance and lack of knowledge of the Word of God about forgiveness !

The Wisdom of God cautions us against those people we have forgiven, who continue to harbour implacable hatred and thoughts of murder in their hearts against us !
The following Bible verses are, all , apt descriptions and symbols of the Enemy, Satan; as they manifest in demon-possessed men and women.
"...wolves.." Matthew 10:16, Luke 10:3.
"....serpents and scorpions.." Luke 10:19.
" .. thieves , robbers , liars and murderers." John Chapter 10.
"... a roaring lion ,walking about, seeking whom to devour". 1 Peter 5:8;
"..they have become unprofitable,..the poison of asps is under their lips. Romans 3:13
" They do not know the way of peace, destructions and misery are in their ways. Their feet are swift to shed blood. No fear of God in the eyes ". Romans 3:14 - 18.
"... beasts at Ephesus...." 1 Corinthians 15:32.
These characters sound scary but they are real and are very active all over the place!

The Good News is that we have been given power to tread on them and to over overcome them with love and forgiveness.
But we should not give them easy access into our lives and allow them to wreck havoc !
God has not sent us on a mission of self-destruction by foolish living!.
People keep wild animals and poisonous snakes as pets. They tame these pets , feed them and treat them with love and affection.
Yet they keep these wild and dangerous creatures where they belong ; in cages!
No sane persons would give free access to dangerous characters to enter their lives and give them their privileged secrets .
You could forgive lions and serpents who have vowed to kill you ; but do not " forgive and forget" past offences and then put your head inside the "tame" lion's mouth or insert your finger into the snake's mouth!
You could decide to forgive the devil by dining with him ; but always dine with the devil with a very long spoon and with both your eyes open !

Hezekiah ,the God -fearing King of Israel ,had a forgiving and forgetting heart .
He had visions of "World Peace " and good intentions of forgiving and forgetting his former sworn enemies. ( Isaiah 39: 1-8 )
King Hezekiah was very magnanimous and eager to take the hand of friendship extended to him by Me-rodach-baladan , son of the King of Babylon .
He gladly welcomed emissaries from Babylon and gave them a grand tour of his palace and of all his dominion. He showed them all his treasures!
Hezekiah displayed the spirit of true forgiveness towards his old enemy, whom he thought was genuinely repentant and was offering the "olive branch" of reconciliation.
However,immediately after Hezekiah's gesture, the reprimand from God concerning his actions came through Prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 39:3-8.
This prophecy about the repercussion of Hezekiah's foolishness, surely, came to pass; according to God's warning.
(2 Kings 24:10-16 )
The lesson here is that if you have forgiven someone , you would be naive to assume that that person has forgiven and forgotten the enmity between you ,even as you have forgiven them.
Forgiveness is holy and desirable ; foolishness and madness are not.
" Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine,lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you". Matthew 7:6.

There is therefore a difference between Forgiveness and Restoration .
Reconciliation is that bridge linking FORGIVENESS to RESTORATION of friendship.
Both you, the victim and the offender have to BUILD bridges to enable you reach the desired goal of restored peace, love and harmony in that relationship.
If you are building bridges through forgiveness and forgetting offences and the other persons are pulling down the bridges , the reconciliation process would collapse .
Until you get to that point of restoration and MUTUAL willingness to live in peace with your enemy ; the counsel from the Word of God is:
"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep walking and suffer for it". Proverbs 27:12.
Continue to love and forgive your enemies. Follow peace with all men ; but get His Wisdom; be wise , be vigilant always.
Thou through thy commandments have made me wiser than my enemies : for they are ever with me. Psalm 119: 98

Coming Clean .

That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon my head: for I have been a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb....! Judges 16:17.
Secrets are heavy burdens which most people carry at some point in their lives .
Confession or "coming clean", is also known as , "baring one's mind or soul" ,"letting the cat out of the bag" or "airing dirty laundry in public".
"Coming clean " is the act of revealing secrets to one or more persons , or sharing our desires, fears and aspirations with others.
For some people harbouring secrets is second nature to them. They believe that their confessions are privileges from them ; reserved for God and their very close friends and lovers, ONLY.
However, with some people, no secrets , big or small , are safe!

There are various reasons for people's decision to "come clean" .Confession of transgressions could be done voluntarily from a guilty and repentant heart.
Or people could be flattered , forced , tortured , drunk , "spaced out" , sexually seduced and aroused , tricked, cajoled, bribed or entrapped before divulging secrets.
The anonymity of technology offered by phones and the Internet has made it very easy for shy people to be bold enough to "come clean" about their shocking secrets and deep-seated sexual fantasies and " hate rages" ; using swear words cursing and ranting about anything and everything , to their hearts' content!
There are websites where people using pseudonyms can have a field day, doing these.
Also,there are 24 hours "sex-chat" or "rage" phone lines set up to make money from calls from people willing and eager to call and release the burdens of their souls about their sexual fantasies , anger , frustrations and about whatever!

One of the the most enduring and potent weapons used to extract secrets from even the most hardened secretive souls is the "Honey Pot" system.
This weapon has been used for thousands of years and it is still working till today.
The classic example of a "Honey Pot" trap is the saga of Samson and Delilah.
Even today , men both great and small have continued to fall;to be deceived by modern day "Delilahs" , who have done excellent jobs of extracting valuable secrets from men.
Satan has used such women to cause the mighty fall of several ministers of God.
"Delilahs" are being used by law enforcement agents , by the military and the Secret Service as spies to infiltrate dangerous criminal gangs and top government and military circles , all over the world ; with devastating effects.
The male equivalents of Delilahs are the "Cassanovas".
These are men who use their charming good looks, flaterring words and fake promises of undying love, romance and marriage to deceive old or young wealthy and prominent women into divulging secrets about their bank accounts and other valuable properties.
Whatever the reasons for them, confessions could make or mar a human being.
A burden shared is a burden halved. Some people come clean when they could no longer bear the burden and guilt of keeping their secrets.
Confessions bring relief to weary souls and could cleanse the soul and body of toxins.
Depending on their intentions , people could decide to "come clean" with honest or evil motives.
A genuine repentance and desire for forgiveness for past crimes against humanity , could prompt a full confession from an offender to their victims. This helps to mend bridges and create peace with victims of the offender's crimes .
Also, coming clean with admittance of guilt and sorrow; could be a cunning ploy to deceive and gain the forgiveness and trust of former victims; thereby re-gaining access into their victims' lives and homes to commit even worse crimes than before!
Sometimes, people could decide to parry or escape further questioning by making false confessions.
Samson did this to Delilah before finally succumbing to her wiles .
A false confession could , also be made to get respite from nagging!
Constant pressures and nagging demands from loved ones "for the truth" could be doing one's head in; to the extent of prompting a false confession!
Some jocular confessions could be expensive, painful jokes to an impressionable mind.
The answer to this child's persistent questions in the graphics below; could have been :"Okay ,okay ! You was downloaded ! And so what?
Now get out of my face!


Coming clean ; apart from being an act of obedience to the Word of God, could the required elixir for relationships.
Confess your faults one to one another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16.
When we bare our innermost guilt and secrets to another human being we are indicating that we trust them and wish to be trusted in return.
Also, it indicates that we wish to start or renew a relationship on a clean slate; with no deceit or secrets between us and our confidants.
However , in any case of "confessing" to any human being ,caution by Wisdom based on the Word of God, should be our guide.
Confess your faults to Man and your SINS ,to God and not to any man .
Human beings, however "spiritual" they may be,could become judgemental in their relations with others; based on the information gotten from people's confessions!.
But ONLY God is able to forget and forgive our sins , absolutely.

Recently, one of my young lady friends visited me and she was very distraught!
She is one of my mentees; who I stand in prayers with concerning life partners.
Her fiancé ,who attends the same church with her, suddenly , had become very cold towards her and had stopped calling her or answering her calls and text messages! Worst still, she heard he had been saying nasty things about her to their friends.
Weeks before this, she had asked me for my counsel. This guy had been asking her to tell him "everything" about her past life history , before she became born again!
He had generously told her about his former girlfriends, how they went on holidays together, what they did in bed and how many abortions he and the girls had agreed to commit! He tried to convince her that since he had confessed his sins to her, she should do the same for him. He then quoted James 5:16.
It is very good to quote the scriptures. But it is neither good nor fair to use the Bible with cunning intentions, to manipulate people for selfish ends!
I remember warning this particular young lady NEVER to divulge her past sins to any human being. Her past sins are no body's business.
Faults and sins are not the same.
People sin against God ; not man. Only God has the power to forgive sins.
When a person confesses and repents , God forgives them and they become completely new creatures. Proverbs 28:13 ,2 Corinthians 5 : 17 -19.
Any body who cannot believe and accept this truth about you as a child of God; should be told to keep off from you. They should go away and try their bigotry stuff elsewhere! No man or woman has the right to probe and demand for a "confession" from you. Confession of sins to mere human beings for what?
There are Christians who are angry and are very bitter because they have discovered that their personal secrets which they had revealed in confidence, to some "counsellors" and "prayer-partners" in the church , are now general knowledge; in the public domain as topics for gossips, all over the place!
May God enrich us with the wisdom to know these differences and to sense the devices of the enemy to take advantage of our Faith in the Word of God. Amen.

During courtship, it is imperative that the intending couples come clean to each other about certain aspects of their lives , past and present.
The couple must not conceal facts like: if they were married , divorced , separated, or if they had children already .
But they should not go into details about their sex lives and bedroom games with their previous partners!
They should come clean if they are unemployed, under-employed or struggling financially. There must not be any lies, deceit, fake grandeur or false living.
Also,the couple must come clean if they have any hidden health challenges like sickle cell anaemia,leprosy , epilepsy, cancer, AIDS/HIV, occasional psychiatric malfunctions, male impotence or female frigidity.
These faults should not be concealed but they should be revealed and shared by the couple; so that they could pray for each other and seek counselling to iron out these issues before marriage.
Some Christians cannot accept some of these faults in their future partners ; while some Christians can and do accept them. It all depends on the individual's spiritual maturity. There should be no deceits ,at all.
Engagement is not marriage .
Persons who cannot accept these faults should fell free to walk away from engagements and continue their search elsewhere, without wasting each other's time.
Any man who insists on knowing his proposed wife's past "sins" is up to no good.
It is the height of folly for any girl to "confess her past sins" ; especially sexual and abortion sins to a man she is planning to marry!
Most men , on hearing such confessions would take to their heels.
You would not even see their brake lights for dust!
Why ? The male psyche is different from that of females.
One of the realities of life is that: while men would expect women to accept, overlook and forgive men's sexual indiscretions; most men , including born-again Christian men; CANNOT forget, overlook or forgive the same from women.
Even after marriage, some men , still, would hold such information against their wives and keep bringing up the matter .
This attitude could cause serious problems for any couple.
In this aspect of "coming clean", some men are simply, insanely unforgiving!
Recently, a man divorced his wife because she was raped in his presence by armed robbers who decided not only to beat and rob them but also to rape his wife and their two teenage daughters!
From that day, onward, he refused to sleep with his wife !
He just could not bear the memory of the horrible incidence of his wife's rape.
This led to a lot aggression and hostility from him towards his wife.
All appeals to him and efforts from friends and families to make him see reason, fell on deaf ears. He could not give even one reason why his wife was being blamed for what happened.
After a short while, he moved out of their home and remarried.
This would tell you HOW the mind of some men work!

Desires for publicity and popularity are strong reasons for coming clean.
Some people would come clean because they desire the attention and publicity which a scandalous confession brings into their dull lives!
Full confessions silence blackmailers! This effective weapon has been used by many politicians and celebrities who have been targeted by all sorts of blackmailers.
Coming clean about plans for mass murder and suicide could be a cry for help and cry for attention from a sad ,mad and lonely alarmist. These type of sick confessions should be investigated, urgently and not dismissed as "fake".
Sheer madness caused by anger and a desire for revenge would make criminals throw all caution to the wind and confess their gang secrets.

Hell knows no fury as a woman scorned!
Aggrieved mistresses have been known to come clean with damaging details about affairs with wealthy and prominent married men.
With a strong desire to hurt their married boyfriends and their wives; these angry mistresses target the men's marriages ,careers, their incomes and reputations with the intention of pulling them down and tearing them to shreds. Unfortunately ,these vengeful mistresses ,usually, achieve their aims.
As happened some years back ,in the case of the Pastor/General Overseer of one of the biggest churches in London( estimated membership of 3500 ), who was convicted for rape and jailed in 2003!
This highly respected minister of God had been committing adultery with several single and married women in his church , for many years.
I remember the harrowing shame and shock which EVERY Christian felt, during his well- publicised trial and sentencing.
Nobody believed he could do such deeds and fall so mightily.
The enemies of God and the British Press had a field day; publishing terrible disclosures about the man of God from his several mistresses and stories about his embezzlement of church funds and about his and his family's lavish lifestyle.
At first he denied it all ; but eventually , he broke down and confessed everything.
I remember my sister and I wept bitterly when we watched his confession on TV.
As soon as the first woman confessed , others followed suit to do more damage!
The pastor had told each of them that they were special and that he loved them only and no other woman! None of the women knew he was sleeping with several of them!
This lie made the women very angry and willing to expose him and bring him down.
One of them was so angry that she alleged that the pastor raped her in his office!
The first woman to confess said she decided to "come clean" became she was fed up and became very disgusted by her Pastor's hypocrisy!
She said while he was always sleeping with her; committing adultery , he was pretending to be a good husband! She said the pastor would preach two sentences and the 3rd sentence would be about "My lovely , beautiful , wonderful wife!"
Also, she said she came clean with every detail to teach the pastor's wife a bitter lesson! And what did the pastor's poor wife do to deserve this terrible scandal?
She said she was disgusted with hearing the pastor's wife, whenever she was preaching, saying: "My wonderful, handsome husband did this, did that for me or said this and that!"
May God deliver us from every snare of the enemy! Amen.
When you join hands to commit and conceal sins with others you will surely be exposed ,some day. Even when people have promised you to keep your secrets secret; they could decide any time, to blackmail you or come clean with damaging revelations!
Though hand join in hand , the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered. Proverbs 11:21.
The heaven shall reveal his iniquity and the earth shall rise up against him. Job 20:27